EXT. HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF NO. (THE STATEMENT)
WHERE? (A PERFUNCTORY QUESTION)
A Person is pushing a pile of leaves with a rake, formerly alive things that withered and died, they are about to be unceremoniously buried.
A BRIGHT FLASH OF GREEN LIGHT.
The person squints and barely sees something metallic. A whirring sound starts and another person comes out of the thimble sized metallic thing. The other person is not really a “person”- although he could be, because he appears like one. Lungs, spleen, muscular pecs, and all.
DELTAN: Greetings Inhabitant of Planet Earth! I come from Planet Delta in Peace! (speaking in Deltanese)
EARTHLING: *Turning on the Q-35 Computer Language Translator* Hello. Do you come in peace?
DELTAN: Most certainly. Please allow me to introduce myself, I am Irk from Planet Delta, Nucleii System, Andromeda Galaxy. We meant to come sooner but you seemed busy with all the wars and smashing fellow humans with sticks business.
EARTHLING: Oh, you mean hockey?
DELTAN: Perhaps, anyway. I come in both peace and also for information, you see, we are much like you humans. Our planet would like to extend its offer of friendship, so in this process, I will ask you questions, which you will give answers to and then I will offer my opinion and so forth.
EARTHLING: So it’s like an interplanetary dating thing? Cool.
DELTAN: What is “dating”?
EARTHLING: You know, when you talk and lie so the other person likes you enough to see more of you…. If you know what I mean.
DELTAN: No, I don’t, but feel free to explain.
EARTHLING: Sigh, forget it. Come in my house so we can talk.
The Earthling’s House.
In the living room with a nice comfortable sofa.
Cups of coffee and tea.
EARTHLING: Tell me about your home.
DELTAN: It is beautiful. And not beautiful at the same time. You could say it is like yours.
EARTHLING: And how about your people? Do you all get along? There are all sorts of arguments here. Christians against Muslims, and Jewish people too. Mormons are okay, usually.
DELTAN: What is the problem? Are they from different species?
EARTHLING: Ah, it is complicated. Basically they have different interpretations of what they think is the truth, and those who do not believe their interpretations are wrong. Deadly wrong.
DELTAN: If your people have to argue so much about it then maybe there is no truth to anything at all. It must be a futile thing.
EARTHLING: Well, if that belief were to be translated here, you would be what my people call “Atheist”, they don’t kill anyone- usually they are a cool educated bunch but at their worst they trawl the internet while being annoying.
DELTAN: Please, tell me more about the nature of these arguments.
EARTHLING: Okay, I will try, morality governs much of life around this planet. Some of us think that it prevents people from going on a murder rampage because that sort of thing won’t be “morally good.” Things such as “Is it okay to run around the lawn naked?” are what can be considered as Normative Ethical questions. What defines good from bad and right to wrong? Most people can agree on what they think is okay and not, but this raises a bigger concern- Metaethical questions, or how come good is good and how it became that way.
(The Deltan nods sympathetically)
EARTHLING: Well, I for one think that those cuckoo people need to stop the silly wars and just get along. I believe in the concept of a moral truth, there should be one right? I mean, it’s not like we are running around Earth like headless chickens and doing what we want. There must be an objectively- unifying, ultimate- morality clause we haven’t unlocked yet!
EARTHLING: (The Earthling stares and murmurs- God you are beautiful)
DELTAN: Pardon my interruption, but who is this God you speak of?
EARTHLING: Oh God! You heard that?! I am so sorry—well it’s God. I’ve never really tried to rationalize who God is. God is… Good Lord, I must be confusing you.
DELTAN: It is of no matter to me, you have made points in an affable way. Our conversation pleases me well.
DELTAN: I would like to meet this God you speak of! Bring me God!
EARTHLING: No! I am sorry, but God isn’t a person like you and me. We humans are not really sure what or who he is, but we are certain He exists. It’s just that we don’t see Him, or hear Him, or even feel Him in the tactical sense. Sometimes people do, in their hearts. <3 DELTAN: How about smell Him? Or taste? How do you know something exists when every conceivable criteria for existing is not met?
EARTHLING: My, you have a peculiar humor! Well, even if the existence of God in the plain sense of the word is debatable, the existence of God in people’s minds certainly is not. He is a loving paternal figure that takes care of the world- isn’t the fact that people believe in Him enough proof that He is real? A long dead guy named Descartes thinks so.
DELTAN: I Kant say I agree with that logic. Willing something into existence doesn’t make it real. If that would be the case then I will be a very handsome Deltan by now.
EARTHLING: What in sweet baby Jesus’ name are you talking about? You look like you just came from Planet Hollywood.
DELTAN: I would be considered very ugly in my planet. It is why they chose me to represent Planet Delta. My genetic make-up will not be a loss if I meet my peril in Earth.
EARTHLING: What a sad and horrible thing. I think you are a walking beef cake.
DELTAN: DO YOU PRACTICE CANNIBALISM? PLEASE DO NOT EAT ME.
EARTHLING: What the hell?! No! It was just a compliment. I think you should not worry about your outward appearance, you seem like you have a beautiful soul.
DELTAN: I am sorry, but what is a soul?
EARTHLING: Oh boy, here we go again.
DELTAN: But when you die your body rots and becomes a disgusting heap of mess. What good will a soul be when it doesn’t have a physical vessel to exist in?
DELTAN: And also, if the soul is not a physical thing and the brain is physical, how did they ever interact with each other? How did the soul move the body when it was alive, and not move anything else after the body is gone?
EARTHLING: That is quite a dreary way to think about death, to be a useless soul. But then you can co-exist with other souls that are in the same non-physical realm as you. Wouldn’t that be better than being gone forever as Materialist theorists would rather be? Plus you can feel that your mind is a singular entity, rather than your foot and your arm, which are just parts of you. And that it is possible to be two things at once, and separated when you have to, the soul and the body coexisting as one, with the soul remaining after the body is gone.
DELTAN: When you put it that way, it does seem like a very inspirational notion. I would very much appreciate it if you can come with me to Planet Delta and speak to my fellow Deltans the same way you did with me. Would you like to come?
EARTHLING: Of course!! I will go with you out of my own free will!
DELTAN: That is an interesting choice of words, Free Will. Do you mean to say that you will come with me, purely out of your own accord? Not because of other determining factors that lead up to this situation such as you being bored, finding me “attractive” and your identity as someone possessing a flair for adventure?
EARTHLING: Do all Deltans like to needlessly complicate things?
DELTAN: Hahaha. But seriously, please answer me in your usual logical fashion.
EARTHLING: Okay, I believe that I have the power to create my own choices, it doesn’t mean that I totally have the sort of free will that frees me from causal laws. I do not flop around the room like a fish, for instance. I like the thinking of this guy named Campbell when he said that limited free will is possible, and that there are certain things that are left to chance. I mean, you could have landed anywhere else on Earth, or you could be here when I wasn’t, and a thousand other little things that can change the outcome of today. I think you are here because of some parts of determinist law. But I know for certain that your brain is as capable as mine to create choices that differ from whatever else is meant for you instead. I am so totally a Libertarian.
DELTAN: That is such an Un-Deltan way to think about things. I am happy you choose to come with me. Even if you don’t know me, or if you are fit for inter galactic travel in the first place.
EARTHLING: I think I should say something cheesy but I think I’ll hold it in.