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Travel Stories

The Traveler’s Horoscope For the Day/ Week/ Millenia

Stars dotting the midnight black sky that we see when we’re out in the open road serves as the GPS of our no doubt highly irregular and highly caustic fate. Once in a while, when the clouds clear and with very very much alcohol ingested seers like me try to interpret these stars in the hopes of making sense of this one long funny, hard and during those by far and few times, sexy roadtrip we call our life.

*ARIES*

When Yoda said “The force is strong with this one”, they probably had you in mind, but in no way is that about your Jedi skills, it’s most likely with your really uncontrollable temper. The stars are telling me to tell you that they don’t revolve around your sign and you should probably sign up for Anger Management classes because I’m pretty sure what i see in your future now counts as a felony.

Lucky Color:
Kaleidoscope Green, or Blue, or Purple.

Lucky Destination:
Akiki Trail to Mt. Pulag

Lucky Food:
Cucumber salad topped with freshly chopped mint leaves.

*TAURUS*

Let’s be frank and just say that you don’t really have that Flashpacker image so the stars tell me it’s fine that you don’t crowd every square inch of your blog with Adsense boxes and banners because your homepage is starting to look like a 16 year-old’s Myspace Page. That said, your travel outfit’s gunna have an overhaul for the better because the stars feel like being kind to your sign nowadays. Lucky you!

Lucky Color:
Pantone Color of the Year circa 1986

Lucky Destination:
Taurus is T for Tawi-tawi!

Lucky Food:
Laduree Macarons, but you can only afford to buy one.

*GEMINI*

You should probably cancel your Globe Broadband subscription because they are mirroring your bipolarity too much. One day you’re off making a funny and light travel narrative about Ilocos Norte and the next you’re ranting about how travel blogging endangers the life of three-legged turtles. But it’s okay because you can reach a wider market and we know the world is big enough for a lot of oddities and eccentrics, but the stars don’t think you should procreate because well, Global Warming, Population Growth and all that, you know?

Lucky Color:
Strangulated Cadaver shade of Purple.

Lucky Destination:
Bipolar Samar + Leyte combo for the fickle minded.

Lucky Food:
A fist-sized Jawbreaker.

*CANCER*

You seriously have no reason to be upset because the world smiles upon your reflective blogposts that generate 1000 hits per day. Then again, whenever you are in a happy mood and write about it you don’t seem to get as much views or comments and thus you have reached an impasse. The stars advise you to keep doing what you do best, which is cooking. Cook for a Libra today, they’ll adore you for it.

Lucky Color:
Windows Wallpaper Blue. Serene and relaxing for all those freezing/ hang/ lag moments.

Lucky Destination:
Uluru,Kata Tjuta National Park, Australia

Lucky Food:
I’m sure anything you’ll whip up in the kitchen is lucky enough.

*LEO*

Today is your lucky day because when you open your wallet you will find some money! Also, when you open your closet you will find that you have clothes to wear. (Unless your work environment has a sign that says clothing: optional) Later on in the day you will find that you are still lucky because you are able to breathe. Go view that lovely sunset later because I’m sure God won’t charge you for it.

Lucky Color:
David Bowie’s Disco Glam Gold Lame

Lucky Destination:
Maastritch, Netherlands. Just because.

Lucky Food:
Spicy chicken curry with a bottle of mineral water.

*VIRGO*

Your mother was right then, you probably should’ve been an accountant. With the way you over-analyze everything and how you excellently budget everything during trips- while being mindful of ForEx rates of course. That said, you should probably stop feigning that you don’t have small change when chasing Fishball carts, the stars and probably your friends are sensing your patterns already.

Lucky Color:
Octopus-ink Black for a throwback to your mosh-pit days.

Lucky Destination:
Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

Lucky Food:
Seems like a good day for Ube. Ubik kinda Ube.

*LIBRA*

Stop daydreaming or you’ll miss your stop like what happened in the bus on your last trip. No, that summer fling that happened during the rain soaked month of August is not going to last and that person conveniently blew his/her nose on that tissue paper you wrote your number on and left on the bedside table. But karmic forces are working with you today because the ink on the tissue stained their nose and they wouldn’t notice it until later this afternoon.

Lucky Color:
Whatever looks best with your skintone and doesn’t clash with your calf-skin moccasins.

Lucky Destination:
Anywhere in Maldives or French Polynesia.

Lucky Food:
Honey, if you eat anything it’ll go straight to your thighs.

*SCORPIO*

Scorpios all around the world have been consulting their Horoscopes for answers on why all their friends have been mysteriously busy, broke, out-of-the-country-but-posted-a-4square-tag-in-Greenbelt recently. And as a loyal and honest seer who is impervious to bribes I shall say my crystal bowl is looking a little dim right now and I have no idea where they are. That is if they keep up with my rate, I’ve a weekly column you guys!

Lucky Color:
Fiery Russian Red from the MAC Lipstick Counter.

Lucky Destination:
Calm and quiet Catbalogan City. Let’s see how long you’ll last in a small town.

Lucky Food:
Burger and fries from your favorite diner, but don’t be rude to the waitress.

*SAGITTARIUS*

Being born under the star sign with the most complicated name would have one assuming that you have mastered at least above average spelling skills but your recent travel blog articles beg to prove otherwise. Save yourself the ire of grammar nazi comments and invest on a better spell-checker software, unless you plan on becoming a viral hit as the only blogger Tito Sotto would be ashamed to plagiarize from. That’s smart but i’m on to you.

Lucky Color:
#EE6262

Lucky Destination:
Kabul, Afghanistan. Because i know you can do it!

Lucky Food:
Krispy Kreme Original Glaze. Have a dozen for extra luck!

*CAPRICORN*

You wouldn’t want to spend your cash buying that lottery ticket today, with the kind of luck you’re having recently i’m surprised you didn’t get robbed in between getting out of bed and going to the bathroom or finding out as you’re done soaping that your water pipe is clogged and will be unable to rinse. There’s a silver lining to this day, courtesy of this guide, because later when you have your lunch you’ll have an extra chicken nugget in your Mcdonald’s meal.

Lucky Color:
W.A.S.P. Green, the kind of green that marketers use to make something look more expensive than it actually is

Lucky Destination:
BORACAY. Yes, Boracay. Just because you most likely haven’t been there yet.

Lucky Food:
Danggit and fried rice with eggplant and tomato ensalada. Yum!

*AQUARIUS*

It’s such a shame that you are either cripplingly shy or painfully apathetic to talk to strangers while traveling. Some of the best travel experiences involves human interaction, with strangers who you’ve never met before. Regardless try to enjoy the sunset at least once a day everyday of your life, it will help when the day comes you’ll finally succumb to the consequences of your cupcake addiction.

Lucky Color:
Whatever the dominant color is in Doc Wends’ latest abstract painting.

Lucky Destination:
Nova Scotia, Canada for the snow and fun Cabot Trail.

Lucky Food:
Trendy Mochiko balls from Mercato Centrale. Take me with you when you go for great luck throughout the next 10 years.

*PISCES*

Even for a well-educated Horoscope-r like me, not much is really known about your sign. You are like the weird kid in High-school that no one really thinks about, but since you aren’t standing out, you’re not a target for bullies, but then nor are you Prom Queen material or shoe-in as a Varsity Jock. Best advice the stars have for you is going into Marine Conservationism.

Lucky Color:
The soft gray of Ambergris, regurgitated or defecated by Sperm Whales.

Lucky Destination:
Talisay, Batangas you know what they say, love your own!

Lucky Food:
Tilapia Inasal. But that will be cannibalism.

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